A Beating Heart
by j.sakurachan1
Summary: weee a piece i wrote ages ago about gojyo and hakkai :  not my series or my chars  except the psychopath . enjoy! will prolly rewrite later to lengthen :


"Dr. Ni, what is all this? I thought Gyokumen Koushou made it perfectly clear that you are not to act without her orders? Your last 'experiment' almost cost us the entire project! I am going to report you immediately-"

"So you know what your problem is, and why Gyokumen resists your charms?"

"I beg your pardon! I am not trying to charm Lady Gokumen, you even dare!"

"You see, you talk too much. If you want to really catch our great mistress, I'll tell you a secret. Lady Gokumen loves-"

"Dr. Ni! This is hardly a topic you should be speaking on. I will not have it!"

Ni Jianyi smirked and shifted his glasses on his nose, staring at the enraged brunette. She was so easy to fluster, and too much fun to antagonize. What would he ever do without her? Spinning in his chair he faced the computer screen and tapped idly down on the mouse, flashing through pictures and text. "Then don't open your mouth when you are not involved. This is a, private, venture. Nothing to do with the resurrection, and I promise it will have no effect. I am just, testing something."

"How can you be certain? I really feel that this should be brought up-"

"Silly woman," Ni giggled, holding a plush pink stuffed rabbit in his lap. In a high pitched voice he turned back around and waved its arms animatedly. "I think that you really should tell the Lady how you feel. Perhaps then, you will not be so sexually frustrated? I am playing a little game, and not even with Sanzo. I promised to leave him alone, and let Kougaji take care of collecting the scroll. But I need a little fun, no? Other than with Lady Gyokumen, of course." Satisfied with her blushed reaction, Ni spun around and plopped the bunny on his desk. He picked up a cigarette and lit it, letting the hot, acrid smoke burn into his lungs. Marvelous, these were. Giving him just enough of a high to ignore the little problems of daily to do lists, without affecting his work. He hadn't been able to have these, before, but now…no one could hold him, now.

"If you must know, this is a little present, for the half breed. And his, lover."

"I don't want to hear it. I will have no part in your games. I have serious work to do."

Ni watched her reflection on the screen and smiled again as she strode off in a huff, clipboard clutched to her small breasts. If she just got those enlarged, and let more things slide, maybe she would be fun to play with. But…Ni sighed and closed out the data. Standing, he walked to a large window and tapped it with a finger. The metal screen lifted and revealed an examination room. Inside were three cages, two empty. The third held a small man, curled into a tight ball. His white clothes were torn and dirty, his face gaunt and hair greasy from lack of washing. Ni pressed a small button on his right.

"My little pet," the intercom crackled, "I have a game for you."

Pale grey eyes met Ni's black, and Ni felt uncontrollable laughter bubbling up from within. Giggling, he pressed another button and the cage inside opened, letting the youkai occupant inside stumble to his feet. "Find the one named Gojyo, the half breed youkai, whose blood flows both human and demon. He will show you much fun, and will play with you. But the one named Sanzo, the priest with the Maten Scripture, is to be untouched. He will not be as fun. Return to me once you have finished. I will have more games for you. Oh, and the one named Goku, the Monkey King, the boy, is for another to play with. The last, the man who is now demon, Hakkai," Ni paused. He hadn't thought yet what to do with him. "Kill him."

"They will, be fun? I will play?"

"Oh yes," Ni chuckled, "you will play."

* * *

><p>"Gojyo! Gojyo move your fucking ass!"<p>

Gojyo groaned and rolled onto his side. His entire chest felt like it was on fire. _What the hell just happened?_ Gojyo looked down and grimaced. Where his brown leather jacket and white shirt had once been was now a charred mess. Surprisingly, despite the intense pain, the now exposed skin was unmarred.

"Get down!"

Vision swimming Gojyo tried to turn his head at the sound of Goku's voice. A flash of light blinded him and he was thrown back. With a grunt he slammed against a rock and fell face down in the dirt and leaves. His head was ringing and his right arm was in agony. He just lay there as smaller explosions shook the earth and dropped debris around him.

"Gojyo!" Goku screamed over yet another explosion.

Gojyo's vision began to blur, but he couldn't tell if it was from the pain, the flashing lights, or the dirt now coating his face. _Move! Move you dumbass!_ He flexed his toes, then his fingers, slowly working his way toward his core. The pain got worse as he progressed, but he had dealt with worse. It was a miracle in itself that he had the time to at least get to his knees before the next complication.

"This is the end for you, member of the Sanzo Party. Just give me the scroll and I might-"

Gojyo watched with indifference as blood spurted from the stump of the youkai's neck. Golden eyes filled with shock stared out of the severed head, a tattoo marking its clan on the neck cleanly cut. His Shakujo's crescent shaped blade slashed through the air on its chain and returned to the staff in his hand. Gasping he staggered to his feet to avoid the falling corpse. Getting blood out of clothing was a painful process. Not that he took care of that. _Hakkai. Where was Hakkai?_

Gojyo dodged attacks and taunts from more demons, the Eagle Clan it seemed this time. They had the same pointed ears and arrogance of every other demon clan so far, only these ones thought it looked good to wear feathers; lots and lots of feathers. Looked pretty stupid, to Gojyo. Did make them easier to hit with his Shakujo, though. It was always one group or another, sent by Kougaji or another to get the Maten Scripture for their 'resurrection'. Gojyo didn't really give a rat's ass right now, though; Hakkai was all that mattered. Gojyo remembered the shouts – the oh so original 'Give us the scroll! We will destroy all who resist' yadda yadda yadda – but much past that was blurry and Gojyo wasn't sure when he had lost sight of his lover. Then he woke up as a punching bag for some chi-wielding moron.

Gojyo ducked behind a tree just in time as a blast of chi left a crater where he had been standing. "Shit," Gojyo tightened his grip on Shakujo and leaned carefully to the side to see where the attack had come from. The residue was fading and he could make out a dark figure darting back into the scrub. What had been a hard packed dirt floor covered by dead and dying shrubs was now a clean, half bowl shaped dip. This guy wasn't messing around.

Gojyo could hear gunfire behind him, and part of him felt the desire to go back and get rid of the pawns with Sanzo and Goku before moving onto the boss fight, but the other part of him was filling with a dreading ice the longer it took to get to Hakkai. And Hakuryu. The small dragon never left his master's side, except when Hakkai was hurt bad. So maybe they were alright, but maybe…

Gojyo cursed as the bark standing between him and the youkai shattered. "God damnit!" He rolled to the ground and crashed through bushes and over small rocks until he was covered again, this time by a fallen log.

"What's the matter, half-breed? Why don't you come out and play?" A high-pitched, androgynous voice called out. "I was promised some fun. The man said I would get to play."

"Listen you sick fuck. When I get my hands on you I am going to wring your neck."

A tittering laugh bounced from tree to tree.

Gojyo looked over the top of the boulder and jumped back in shock, raising the crescent blade. Bright yellow eyes were boring into him from a pale heart shaped face framed by shimmering lavender hair. Swinging Shakujo's chain at the youkai Gojyo rushed forward.

Another laugh, and the youkai was gone in the blink of an eye. "We can play my favorite game, tag."

Gojyo's arm shook as the chain locked back inside the staff. He tried to locate the source of the voice, but every time he turned his head it was moving away.

"You're it," came the shout as a weak ball of chi hit Gojyo in the back and caused him to stagger forward. His boots caught on an exposed root and he had to use Shakujo to steady himself.

"Bad as the fucking monkey," Gojyo growled. He realized that there was silence in the forest now. No more shooting, no more sounds of violence. They would have to take care of themselves. He wasn't a damn babysitter.

"Eeeny meeny miney moe, catch a kappa by the toe," the youkai chortled.

Gojyo was losing the original burst of adrenaline, but it was being swiftly replaced by pissed off rage. This damn ass was mocking him. He shouted wordlessly as a breath traveled down his neck.

Bemused eyes blinked quickly and then slipped back into the forest. "You are so much more fun than the other," a face appeared amidst branches, peering down at Gojyo. "He didn't want to play and bored me so quickly."

"I swear to god if you did anything to Hakkai-"

"Broken toys don't get names!" Chi burst from the youkai's fingertips toward Gojyo.

Gojyo tossed Shakujo to the side and rolled away from it. In this fight it was useless for now and a dead weight. _Where are Goku and Sanzo? What the hell is taking them so long?_ Gojyo gasped for breath as the attacks stopped. This fucker wasn't messing around.

"And what if I don't want to play?" he tested.

The tree to his left disintegrated from a concentrated chi blast. Enough said. Gojyo racked his brain for what Hakkai had tried to explain about chi and its properties. Something about limits, or maybe about it being unlimited? No that couldn't be right.

"If you don't play with me right now, I am going to get very upset. And you do not want to see me upset." The chi flow stopped and a strained silence fell.

Gojyo weighed his options. Hide and wait out the attacks, or play this bastard's little games and buy some time. He could use the exercise anyway. Shrugging off the remains of his shirt and jacket Gojyo tied back his long red hair with his headband. Stepping out from behind the tree he raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, let's play." Gojyo sprung forward and ran through the forest. His only chance here was getting the youkai out in the open, and that meant clearing the forest and also leaving any backup from the others behind. He had fought his own battles before, and this was no different.

"Oh goodie, this is going to be fun," the giggling voice called down.

Gojyo made a mental note. This guy liked high places where he could watch from a distance. Probably didn't handle blows well. And would kill you if you pissed it off. Fucking A.

Belatedly, Gojyo realized that he wasn't the best with directions and that the trees and undergrowth was thickening. _Shit._

"Oh dear, Toy. It seems that you have led yourself into a trap. Time to change the rules."

Gojyo found himself caught in a web of some sort and suspended over the forest floor. Tugging against the fibers – of very delicately woven chi – Gojyo felt strands tighten around his neck, arms, and legs.

The youkai appeared before him, but the childish joy that had painted his face was no longer there. Now his smile was sharper, his eyes harder, and his presence menacing. His eyes, no longer golden like all the other youkai; they were grey, like pools of thunder waiting to break into a million pieces. A pale hand slipped out of a long baby blue sleeve and stroked the side of Gojyo's face. "I'm hungry." A pink tongue flicked across rose bud lips. The hand tangled itself in Gojyo's hair and yanked.

Snarling Gojyo tried to free himself, but the bonds tightened into his skin and he could feel the pulsing energy beating in time with his own heart.

"Shhh, Toy. The more you fight the more painful this will be." The grip tightened in Gojyo's hair and pulled his head back, exposing his neck.

Gojyo growled and his lips pulled into a snarl. This was definitely not going the way it was supposed to. Where was the fighting? Where was the battle that ended with his victory? Where the fucking hell were the others?

Gojyo's abdomen tensed, trying to pull away from the slowly approaching youkai. This was definitely not going well.

A clawed hand traced his torso from shoulder to navel with two fingers. Red lines formed on his skin and soon his chest was a map of scratches and small cuts. One deeper cut began to bleed small drops, and to Gojyo's horror, the youkai leaned down and began to suck on the spot just beneath his nipple. "I have always wondered if the blood of a half breed would taste different than the blood of a true youkai. Does the human in it, – your mother's right? – make it taste sweeter?"

Gojyo did thrash, now. At least until his head was ringing and his vision double.

"I told you that there would be pain, if you did not cooperate. That was a warning, Toy." The youkai licked his fingernails, cleaning them of the blood from a now bleeding scratch on Gojyo's face. "And now look what I did. I marred that perfect countenance. Pity." The youkai lowered the now clean hand and studied his prey.

Gojyo wanted to shout, scream, do anything.

"The other was so boring. He gave in so easily, but cried out for 'Oh, Dear Gojyo' the entire time. It would have been cute, I suppose, but for the pathetic voice he did so. Killing him was a mercy to us all. Have I struck a nerve, Toy?"

Gojyo couldn't feel the bonds any longer, couldn't feel the hand pulling his hair. Rage that had been submerged in shock was bubbling back up and his body ached with the need to lash out. He pulled against the chi with every muscle he had. He could hear the youkai's angry snarls and could feel the punishing blows from both hand and chi, but it was like that was a separate person being abused. All that mattered as getting free and finding Hakkai. _Oh god, Hakkai! Where are you? Oh god please be alright_!

Gojyo could feel the pain getting closer to the raw energy that was his mind and threw it all into one last push for freedom. Panting he sagged against the bonds, energy drained from him. Gojyo could feel every blow that had been landed and the chi burns that blistered on his skin.

"Bad Toy, look what I had to do. I am tired of playing with you. Maybe the priest will be more fun." The youkai lifted a hand over his head, revealing a pale arm covered in scars. Tendrils of chi seeped from the pores of the skin until his entire forearm was pulsing brighter than the sun.

Gojyo had no warning. There was still the residual outline of the chi in his eyes as he fell to the ground. Gojyo watched as the youkai stood over him and pulled his arm out of Gojyo's chest. The chi dissipated, and the youkai nodded.

"You won't die, not yet. You will stay here until I come back for you. If you beg for forgiveness I will think of saving your pathetic existence. Ta ta, half breed." The youkai vanished in a swirl of leaves and Gojyo was left gasping for breath through one ruined lung.

Looking down at his chest Gojyo could see the cauterized wound that had destroyed his left lung and was dangerously close to his heart. He wouldn't bleed to death, not yet. But if he tried to move…All of the testosterone driven emotions that had kept pain at bay vanished from his system and he had to bite down on his hand to keep from crying out. Gasping he lay in the dirt and bush, praying that someone would find him, that he would get out of this.

* * *

><p>"Oi, Gojyo," Goku leaned forward on the chair back that he was sitting backwards in. "Gojyo you okay?" The young man waved a hand before the kappa's face without result. "Come on, pervy water sprite-"<p>

"Goku, that's enough." Sanzo crossed his arms in the doorway. "Let's go."

"But what about Gojyo?"

"He made his choice."

"I don't care!" Goku brushed away the threatening tears angrily. "We lost, Hakkai…"

"Don't say his name!" Gojyo hissed, glazed red eyes turning angrily on Goku. "Just get the fuck out. Get the hell away from me!"

Goku recoiled and stood from his chair. He didn't even try to hold back the tears now. "What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be like this?"

"Goku, we're leaving. Gojyo is on his own. He is dead weight, and he knows it. If you aren't downstairs is ten seconds I'm leaving without you." The blonde priest dropped his cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under his boot.

"But Sanzo, why can't you just wait a few more days? When you were gone we waited and then went-"

"I wasn't dead, dumbass. Hakkai isn't coming back. That's life. His number was called a long time ago. Downstairs, now." Sanzo left the doorway and disappeared down the hall of the inn.

Gojyo watched the monkey out of the corner of his eye. Goku was torn between staying and going, but would leave soon enough. He was Sanzo's pet and protector. No matter how they denied it. Goku would always tail Sanzo. That is just how things were. Gojyo placed his vision back on the window and stared out into the forest beyond. He heard the door close and waited until he heard the rushed footsteps head down the stairs. Alone, finally.

Sanzo had spent the last two days interrogating Gojyo, or at least trying to. And Goku had been just as bad, whining about being confused and scared. Gojyo couldn't stand it. None of it mattered anymore.

Why wasn't it raining? Wasn't it supposed to rain when the hero died? When the protagonist was crying? Gojyo let his tears fall, now. The forest swam in his eyes. That damn forest.

Gojyo's hand lifted to his shirt and rubbed at the scar that stretched from his shoulder to his stomach. The daily reminder of his weakness. He had just let Hakkai die. Just sat there and watched. Hakkai was better than he ever was, and now Hakkai was dead. Dead in place of a filthy half breed abomination. And for what?

"_Live on for the both of us, Gojyo. I can't survive without you. I guess I am being selfish, but I love you, Gojyo. I always have, since that day you put me back together. I love you. But your heart does not belong to me. Promise me that you will live on. If not for me, for Goku. And Sanzo. They don't say it, but they need you more than you think." Hakkai's emerald eyes were filled with tears as he placed his hands on Gojyo's chest. "Don't die," was the last whisper Gojyo heard before fading into unconsciousness._

_Gojyo woke in a strange place with Goku hovering. He chest was strangely tight, and he could feel a bandage pulling at him. His heart was beating. His chest rose and fell with every breath. "What, where?" Gojyo croaked. His tongue felt like sandpaper in his mouth. How long had he been out? Hakkai? Where was Hakkai?_

_Gojyo tried to sit but was held down by Goku. The young man's gold eyes were filled concern, and guilt. He was hiding something._

"_Goku, what happened? Where is Hakkai?"_

"_Gojyo, you need to rest right now. I have some water cause they said you would probably be thirsty. And some food if you can eat."_

_Goku, leaving food for someone else? Something was definitely wrong._

"_Goku, what the fuck is going on?"_

"_I was hoping you could tell us." Sanzo folded his newspaper carefully and laid it on the table amidst beer cans and cigarette butts. Sliding his reading glasses inside his robes he turned his violet gaze on Gojyo. "We found you unconscious and bleeding all over the place in the forest. You should be dead, by all standards."_

"_What do you mean, should be?"_

"_You weren't," Goku looked down at the floor. "You weren't breathing. And then something happened, and you were alive again. And Hakkai, Hakkai…"_

"_Where's Hakkai? What the fuck is going on?" Gojyo tried to sit but a fit of painful coughing forced him back down. "What the fuck happened to Hakkai?"_

"_Hakkai is dead."_

_Three words, and Gojyo's entire world ended._

The door opened behind Gojyo as he pulled off the sweat stained shirt in lieu of a new one. "What the hell do you want, Sanzo. I thought you and Goku were leaving."

"What do you plan on doing? Other than not going on with us?"

Gojyo studied the clothes before him. He fingered the familiar white cotton of his laundry, but his other hand drifted to green silk. Picking up the Chinese shirt he pulled it on and buttoned it quickly. How many times had he taken it off Hakkai?

"If you are going insane, should I just kill you myself and save us all the trouble?"

Gojyo grabbed a white scarf and tied back his hair. "You said that the fucker who killed Hakkai got away? I am going to rip him limb from limb. I don't need any baggage from you or the monkey."

"I wasn't going to offer it. Your little fight is no concern of mine."

"Then why are you here?" Gojyo snarled at the other man.

"Don't do this," came the whispered reply after a moment's silence.

"Fuck you, Sanzo. Fuck you, and fuck your damn ideals, and your damn orders. Just Fuck You." Gojyo slammed the smaller man into the wall, red eyes blazing. "We are all just pawns in your little game. Go play it somewhere else. I'm done. Hakkai is dead, because of you and that damn scroll."

"No, he's not."

Gojyo tightened his grip and heard the wood behind creaking from the weight. "If we had never gotten involved in this-"

"This has nothing to do with my orders. Listen to yourself. Look at yourself!"

Gojyo wanted to punch the priest.

"I know what happened, it's not that difficult to figure out."

"Get the hell away from me, you bastard. I won't warn you again." Gojyo released Sanzo and stepped back. He could barely contain his rage.

"That isn't your heart, in your chest."

Gojyo's mouth dropped in shock. He felt nauseas and stumbled backward. "What, what…"

"When we found you, you were dead. Hakkai changed places with you and took his own life in exchange for you to live on. He's dead because of you. If you want to go off and get yourself killed, be my guest." Sanzo straightened his robes and turned to leave the room. "You are the dick, throwing away his gift. You are the fucking asshole, not me." Silence fell as Sanzo left and Gojyo slipped to his knees.

He gripped his chest in his hand and felt each heart beat. Hakkai was with him, inside him, now. Hakkai would be with him forever. That had always been Hakkai's wish. Ever since Gojyo had nursed the broken man back to health, had taken him in, Hakkai had been special. Gojyo had slept with a lot of people, well mostly women. All, women, but Hakkai had always been the one he came home to. No matter what had happened, and no matter how many fights they had, Hakkai was everything to him. Had been, and now would always be with him. _You always did end with the upper hand, Kai. _"Then what, what do I…"

"The Gojyo I know would be chasing the next skirt he could find, smoking until he can't see straight, and fighting with the monkey over a damn pot sticker."

"But-"

"You want to pay him back. Finish this. Finish what Hakkai wanted. Stop the resurrection, put the world back in balance, then go fuck off. I need your help, right now. If you even breathe to anyone I just said that…" Sanzo reached inside his robe for his gun, gripping it and ready to threaten the half breed into obeyance.

"You think the one who sent that assassin was connected to Kougaji and his crew?" Gojyo lifted his red eyes.

"No, but last I saw, it was heading west."

"I'll come with you, for now. But if I see that youkai, I swear to you right now I am going to do whatever it takes to kill it."

"Thought so. Come on, Goku's whining again. At least with you around he shuts up. You're driving, by the way. Hakuryu won't let me."

"Is that why you came back for me. Should have known."

"You coming?"

"Aww Sanzo, I almost believed there that you were going to miss-" Gojyo cut off with a shout and dove for cover as Sanzo leveled a shot at him. "Nevermind! Where's the monkey and that dragon? Let's go, daylight's wasting," Gojyo ran past Sanzo and leapt down the stairs. He could feel Hakkai's heart beating in his chest. When this was done, and the world saved or whatever, and that youkai dead, he would follow Hakkai. But for now, he had reason to keep living.

* * *

><p>Ni kicked at the pile of gore at his feet and sighed. There had been so much promise, there. Instead, the thing had returned in utter failure. Apparently, the drugs had worn off at some point and it had 'been scared'. The youkai had stumbled back early this morning, crying for his master and that there had been too much blood.<p>

"Dr. Ni, what is this mess? Clean it right now-"

"You will shut up, now. I have work to do." Ni tried to calm down, but his rage was too great. Not only had the youkai failed to dispose of both annoyances, it had attacked Sanzo at some point; the report sounded more like Sanzo got in the crossfire, but would his employer see it that way? Lady Gyokumen's no doubt knew by now what had happened, and any moment she would be calling on him.

"You will not take that tone with me! I am to tell you that the Lady Gyokumen wishes to see you, and that, in her words, you should run as fast as you can, and leave your bunny behind. Is that, huh," she smirked. "So much for your experiment. At least, I leave mine alive to be altered. I think I shall turn over all your work these past few weeks so our mistress can see she is wasting her time."

Ni fought down the urge to strangle the woman. "I must admit, I am ashamed of my actions. Usually I save my rage for the Lady Gyokumen. She does enjoy a good tussle," Ni turned his eyes away from the pile of intestines and soiled clothes. "You could, join us you know."

Ni was left rubbing his cheek after a resounding slap. His smirk remained in place, though. His mind was racing. So many plans, so little time. What to do next? Should he keep observing Sanzo and the other two now? What new surprises would they show, with the latest pain? How would they move on? And when would be the best time to play with Sanzo? He was growing so bored with this resurrection. Maybe it was time for him to step in? With another sigh Ni shoved his hands in his pockets and left the lab. First, he had to soothe the harlot Gyokumen. Yes, this life was too boring. Time for some fun.


End file.
